Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Success! We fucked roommates!
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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