better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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