dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
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