no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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