let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
