Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
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