Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
