he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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