Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
