Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
