Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
