i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
i think i just naturally attract stoners
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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