Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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