Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
