what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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