Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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