HIV tests are more positive than that guy
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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