I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
