I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
