she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
