The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
