so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
