Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
