she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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