I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
