Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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