dude i'm inner monologue high
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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