You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
How drunk are you?
Completed.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
