I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
