Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
