So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize