Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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