So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
