I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize