I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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