I'm eating all of the evidence.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
BRING THE BAGELS
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
