how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
