um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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