we have officially mastered the walk of shame
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
