You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
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