somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Everclear isn't food dammit
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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