Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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