I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
