I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Randomize
