Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
