well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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