apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
