if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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