Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
