Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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