I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
this will be a night to untag.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
