After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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