i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
