I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize