i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
