she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
