He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Randomize
