Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
