Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
