I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
