What a fucking waste of an outfit
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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