i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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