Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
