I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
