Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Can I color on your dick again?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
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