Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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