Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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