so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
