It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
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