I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
